OK, Food Network. You’re being awfully sadistic these days. You know it’s been a pipe dream of mine to get on the Food Network, ever since the first season of The Next Food Network Star. But, you made it pretty clear that you didn’t want my kind—self taught home cooks. No, you wanted flamboyant food personalities for whom cooking was already their day job. Bam! Indeed.
Now you dangle another carrot in front of my nose—your new show Ultimate Recipe Showdown. You say this show is all about self-taught home cooks showing off their best recipes for fabulous prizes, of up to $50,000.
I could care less about the money. I just want to get on the show. And meet the Double Dare Guy. You know, Marc Summers? You hired him to do Unwrapped, and now, with Guy Fieri, he’s the co-host of the Ultimate Recipe Showdown.
According to your Web Site, you’re accepting recipe submissions for Season 2 of the show until March 31st. You say that I can enter as many recipes as you want.
Ah, but there’s the rub. I’m a good cook, but you know recipe creation is not my specialty. Ever since that strained yogurt-garlic sauce in the 6th grade that made my eyes water, I’ve tried to get better at creating recipes. And sure, I won First place at a college during a spring break recipe challenge with my Sunset Soup. And I was victorious in the Iron Chef Birthday Battle back in June of 2007. But I only have, maybe, a half a dozen original recipes. And maybe a quarter of them are Ultimate Recipe quality.
You’re not just getting my hopes up, are you, Food Network? Do I have enough original recipes to have a chance? Do I have enough time over the next month to do some serious experimenting? Are you going to break my heart yet again?